Introduction

Introduction:

                 All my life it seems, there has been a series of inspirations and setbacks within my own mind.  Having read many philosophies and religions  – they offered at most only short intervals of meaning that would fizzle away like phrases on a bumper sticker or fortune cookie. I glimpsed mere moments of happiness and inner peace, only to be swept back into a general dissatisfaction.

             I don’t doubt that there are those lucky enough to experience a general sense of happiness on a more consistent basis. But looking at the general history of mankind, current events, works of art, and the people I meet  – seeking happiness seems the most haphazard and tenuous of all pursuits.

            If the answer was merely that an absence of pain and an abundance of pleasure resulted in happiness, then in relative terms, those in the first world should already feel as if in nirvana. Why do so many of us feel unfulfilled even after attaining everything that society deems important – a relationship, career, a house, etc…?   I have come to realize the problem lies in our own brain’s design.  Our  brains were specifically designed for unrest and its persistent sabotaging of calm and peace is the double edged sword of our being. This is because the brain’s design has survival and propogation as its main priorities, and not happiness.   In fact, a worrying, ladder climbing, self-evaluating, ego driven ,  and socially aware brain is a lot more conducive to survival than being happy.  The brain on automatic pilot is set for discontentment as its baseline. 

            So I no longer see happiness as a destination.  It’s not a port of call, an oasis, nor a paradise island in the mind that once arrived, there one forever resides.  It’s an everyday challenge, perhaps human kind’s greatest challenge – to harness one’s own mind to wield as a musician her instrument or an engineer her stencils. And yes, this struggle will never end as long as we are alive.  I’m sorry if some readers hoped for an easy vaccine that would forever inoculate you from life’s storms, but beware of anyone who claims they have an easy fix, because more than likely, they are selling something. 

            Worse yet, underestimating  this challenge sets one up for the deepest sense of failure – as we wonder why we can’t follow the simple steps that so many self books proclaim.  It is not that those authors are wrong about their revelations - living in the present, love, spirituality, forgiveness, meditation, or any of the other wonderful ideas that enrich human lives.  Their mistake is underestimating the complexity of a mind honed by millions of years of human evolution – where contentment becomes the enemy itself.

 It reminds me of the old adage – the only thing certain in life is death and taxes.  But these are mere subcategories of a bigger constant – which is change.    For a relatively slow moving and physically weak species, a brain whose greatest strength is learning from past changes, scanning for current changes, and anticipating future changes is essentially -  a master of discontent.  Who would even worry about creating a better  stone ax if one was happy with it?  The Neanderthals didn’t change theirs for thousands of years, and we know what happened to them.  The human brain is thus conditioned and prodded to dissatisfaction.  Even humanity’s never ending search for absolute truths, are inexhaustible – and therefore beyond the possibility of ever being satiated.

At this point the reader may be feeling disheartened.  Are we either destined for  a lifetime of misery or a compromised life without goals and growth? The answer is no - with an asterisk.  Ah, but it is a very challenging asterisk.  It is challenging, because the first crucial step towards reigning in this automatic mind is to become aware of your unconscious – which is a very scary proposition for most people.  There is a reason why certain thoughts and impulses are kept unconscious from your awareness – they are uncomfortable, fear provoking – and most importantly - the source of these uncontrollable streams of thoughts and feelings that fill the background noise of our minds.

The second step is equally daunting to most people – and that is to understand the roots of the unconscious, so as challenge them if desired.  It is by definition a negative process in more ways than one.  It is negative because many of these unconscious drives are deemed cynical and pessimistic by our conscious egos and society at large.  If one wants to address the unconscious selfish impulses, one needs to admit selfishness existing within us in the first place.  If one wants to tackle the fear of death, one needs see death as a part of life.   If  we have a deep fear of losing control of one’s life, then we need to embrace  change as a fact of the universe.  This goes for all the “dark” fears and thoughts nestled within the shadows of our unconscious.  Our impulses regarding romance, religion, existential meaning, free will, morality – all have to be brought into the daylight of our consciousness – turned over, analyzed, and if need be, challenged or accepted.  We need  a total spring cleaning of our unconscious to pave our way to calm.

            Fears can be helpful in the right situation.  A fear of scampering critters can be very appropriate on a trek in the rainforest.  They may warn us of real potential threats and emergency situations. But outside of these environments, those fears are very irrational.  And humans are nothing if not endowed with a creative mind that imagines endless possible scenarios, which provide possible solutions to problems, but also – endless  fears. And this is the trap of the hyper-vigilant mind that blocks enjoyment of our present moments. The solutions advocated in popular media, self-help books, and most religions focus on engulfing our psyche with positive affirmations, which are neither effective nor healthy, as evidenced by the never-ending need for accumulation of both pleasurable moments and materialism that never seems enough. 

            There are two fundamental errors that most positive approaches make. One is a disregard for the nature of the human mind – one specifically designed for discontent.  As briefly mentioned, evolution has found anxiety and fear a lot more adaptive towards survival of a species then sitting around being happy. This fact will be discussed much further in the next chapter.

The other fatal flaw in the positivity camp is a misunderstanding about how the human mind heals itself when confronted with paralyzing fears.   We have much to learn by observing the techniques now being effectively used for panic disorders, phobias, and PTSD. They promote exposure to the very fear a patient is debilitated by.  If this approach works for extreme anxiety disorders, it must be of some use for tempering the daily fears that prevent us from a fulfilling life.  The majority of this book will explore what that exposure therapy involves in regards to overcoming our unconscious fears and unrest.

Courage is needed as well in this journey of transformation of the mind.  Many long held notions about truths we long thought self evident may fall by the wayside as we question them.  This can lead to a very uncomfortable situation for our ego’s that could not conceive of itself being that off target about the nature of truths.   But before the reader suspects that the premises within this book is too ethereal, let me add that it utilizes as much science, psychology, and sociology as well as the less objective approaches of philosophy and spirituality.  The challenging task of becoming fully conscious and aware needs every discipline of thought at our disposal.