1. A new path towards happiness

1.A new path towards happiness.

                      But the question must be asked, why did our minds develop this way?  What is the purpose of having a large part of the mind kept in the shadows of our awareness? A very ingenious experiment called the self awareness test may reveal an answer. Only a handful of species on earth have the ability to recognize their own image in a mirror as themselves.  When a dot is placed on their face, only humans, orangutans, chimpanzees, dolphins, and magpies attempt to remove it after seeing their image in a mirror.  All other species, including dogs, cats, and by the way – humans younger than 12 months of age fail this test.  What do these handful of species have in common? It is not only that they live in social groups, but that social status is ever changing depending on the alliances made within that group. 

            Here in lies the possible reason we developed a hidden unconscious.  If survival meant negotiating the ever more complex nuance of human society – then strategies in alliance forming such as deceit and deception becomes increasingly more important.  Analogously, the detection of deception would become nuanced as well.   Consequently lying would have to get even more subtle. This positive feedback loop would ultimately lead to the evolution of a more perfect liar.  The perfect liar is someone that doesn’t realize they are lying – or at least – the motives behind their actions. It seems that evolution accounted for our poor acting chops.

            Another aspect of our unconscious that aids in our survival is its speedy response.  If it was left to the unconcsiou mind to decide to jump back from a slithering snake in the path, we’d already be bitten.  In this sense, uncontrollable and splits second responses by our unconscious protect us.  Likewise, the unconscious constantly scans our minds, pushing up important worries and reminders of what we should be doing to prepare for future calamities. But these advantages become disadvantages if we let them take over control of our conscious minds.  Many of us let our minds wander, not realizing who is steering the ship.  

            Descarte had famously postulated, “ I think therefore I am”.  But which “thoughts” and which “I” – the conscious or unconscious?   This leads to a more complex question – which of my conscious thoughts are really manifestations of the unconscious.  Hence, all the more reason that laying open our unconscious is a crucial step in self-discovery and eventual happiness.

            Our early ancestors may not have had time worry much about happiness since they were too busy looking for food or running from saber tooth tigers. Considering that early humans confronted death around every corner, it is no wonder we were endowed with those coupled traits of fear and anxiety.  If every misstep – be it physical, emotional, or social – could result in oblivion, the mind had better worry rather than relax. 

            But in modern life, we do have extra time and have the unusual standard of wanting to feel happy.  The main problem is that our brains are outdated…and our surrounding have far outpaced a brain more suited for the harsh ancestral plains.  We, however, still walk around our modern lives reacting to its hurdles and setbacks as if death still lurked around every corner waiting for our miscalculations.  A lost smart phone becomes an extinguished flame in a blazing storm.  The monthly accounting report presentation is now a tribunal in front of the village Mayan chief.  Breaking up with a significant other is now isolation from your village and all the resources and support they represent.

            The claim that runs throughout this book, is that most forms of unhappiness – aside from biochemical and organic pathology in the brain, relates to this unconscious brain churning out constant loops of dissatisfaction and worry.  The forms that it takes are numerous: loneliness, loss of reputation, guilt, addictions, jealousy, boredom, stress, existential crisis, violence, disillusionment, chaos, and a sense of failure. 

Let’s take a closer look at this relatively new approach to alleviating fears called cognitive exposure therapy.  On its face, most would think to be itcounter-intuitive, but there is no better proof of its effectiveness, then its positive outcomes with soldiers returning from war with PTSD.  Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome may well be the disorder most directly linked to the fear of death.  These soldiers have experienced terrifying scenes of destruction and their brains made sure that the circumstances of that scene became deeply imprinted in their brains.  The brain is literally warning them, “Remember this life threatening situation with utter clarity – avoid this in the future! ”

The public has learned much about the devastating effects of PTSD through countless stories of soldiers, whose lives have been devastated by its symptoms.  A sudden boom of a car backfiring sends them into the same panic mode as if the horrifying memories were happening to them all over again. Nightmares also make them relive these scenes.  Many soldiers cannot sustain employment, nor relationships, and a staggering rate of suicide pervades their ranks.

The last thing a soldier with PTSD wants to do is what exposure therapy requires – talk about the horrifying events, again and again.  In the early sessions, patients experience the increased heart rate, terror, shallow breathing, and the cold sweat that comes with the fear of dying.  But as the sessions continue, the soldiers begin to feel lower intensities of those symptoms – as if the brain is realizing- okay, maybe you won’t die after all when remembering these awful events.  Remarkable recoveries have been seen with soldiers, some of whom have holed themselves up for decades since the Vietnam war.

I believe there is an important lesson here for the rest of us, who most likely do not experience the extremes of these soldiers, but are burdened with fears and anxieties that rule our daily lives, and prevent us from living a fulfilling life.  We may or may not have experienced trauma such as theirs, but as we know, humans have been burdened with an almost innate tendency erring on the side of a constant state of anxiety – honed by millions of years hardship. 

What has been the common strategy of a vast majority of modern western societies to overcome this innate discontentment?  If one was merely an observer from another planet, I would say advertisements and commercials would be a pretty good clue as to this strategy that has mass appeal – a desire to wash over our discontentment with a barrage of positivity – be it pleasure, hope, laughter, consumerism, accomplishments, progress – plug in any word that seems bright and cheery.

I like to call this approach the Disney strategy.  We live in a society where the dream of Walt Disney - the fairy tale of “happily ever after” -  has moved from childhood imagination to adult longing.  In the steady bombardment of popular media, lies a promise that happiness is just a matter of being positive , and that it comes prepackaged  with that next big promotion, purchase, or relationship.  Forgetting that more than half the world’s population lives in poverty; that war, famine, and disease kills millions of children a year, we erroneously believe that the next acquisition or situational change within our lives will finally fulfill our desires to be happy.  Relative to the suffering of a vast portion of the world’s population, shouldn’t we in the first world countries be ecstatic?  But it’s clear that for most of us, finding meaning and contentment is still a challenge we are struggling with. 

            Again, it is important to repeat, and not as a model for what should be, but as something to overcome – the  human brain evolved for survival as its priority, and not lasting happiness.  The pleasures dangled in our brains were mere incentives to get us out of caves – and only temporarily until another pleasure took its place.  So no matter how endlessly we achieve our goals, whatever they may be - our brains will always circle back

to the same starting point of discontentment.  Our brain is its own barrier to achieving that very contentment we so desperately want – and evolution made it that way. 

To add to this, our list of wants and desires knows no bounds.  What sets humans apart from other organisms is a brain whose imagination and abstract thinking can conjure infinite desires as never before.  This imagination has been key to our species development, as evidenced by the artifacts of jewelry found amongst the fossils of our ancestors just about the time modern man evolved.  A brain that can imagine future scenarios and outcomes has great survival value.  With it we can plan and problem-solve for possible misfortunes that other animals are ill prepared for.   But like many adaptations, it also comes with a price.  We have desires and disappointments beyond what any animal can conceive.   Humans not only suffer from present misfortunes but from imagined future ones – not the least of which is death.

              So what is the solution if not scurrying on to the next happiness fix?  We must accept that everything, even the all powerful need for happiness, has a basis in the fear of death and all its manifestations.  We are not so much desperately running towards happiness as trying to temporarily forget our fears about our mortality.  We may succeed for a bit, but that mental unrest always creeps back upon us, and whatever sense of security we have from the source of our happiness crumbles like a fragile umbrella in a storm. 

                        So any approach or discussion on the topic of achieving happiness must first and foremost tackle the subject of our mortality head on.  This is no easy task, and it is pretty evident that most people in society avoid this topic as much as they can.  Death is seen as a pessimistic idea, and pessimism is rarely seen as something useful or essential to one’s

happiness.  It is not in admiration or praise when people make the comment that another is a pessimist, nor a cynic. 

            Just as the soldiers with PTSD must face what scares them most to achieve happiness, so must we.  It is not merely enough to understand one’s physical death.  We must have the courage to confront death in all its various forms – which most of society has labeled as pessimism.  It is often true, that what we don’t understand and avoid, scares us the most.  So when we fail to ponder on the so called “negative” aspects of life – mortality, suffering, violence, injustice, isolation, selfishness, nihilism – these will forever shroud us in fear, and leave us incapable of living a full and happy life.

            Just to be clear, I’m not advocating that people would be happier engulfed with dark thoughts and images – just as soldiers PTSD who have persistent thoughts of bombings.  However, the gold and glitter fantasies of our present society is also not healthy.  The rest of the book will focus on counteracting this skewed imbalance.  As the title suggests, it’s correct to assume that it is partially for my fellow cynical pessimists hiding in shame and seclusion in our caves.  Cynicism is the belief that most people’s actions, whether society deems them good or evil, are based on motives of self interest.  And of course pessimism is the belief that there is more bad than good in this world, and that Murphy’s Law applies – anything that can go wrong eventually will.  Yes, I believe in those precepts, and yes, I am happy and content.  

 It is also defense of like-minded souls whose natural temperament led them to cynicism and pessimism- but have yet learned to use it for self fulfillment.   As the rest of the book will argue, these traits are as useful to mankind as their opposites of hope and

idealism.   In fact, we will see that the latter cannot be obtained without the former.  Cynicism and Pessimism can lead to spirituality, transcendence, and humanitarianism, as much as idealism and hope can lead to destruction and genocide.  As in much of life, any extreme or imbalance often leads to malady.  People who are too pessimistic and cynical indeed may fall on their own petard.   All darkness and doom, without light can lead to despair.  The universe becomes an ugly place devoid of mystery and wonder, and one might be prone to becoming a misanthrope with no empathy at all for the human plight. 

But this book is also for those who desperately try to hide in the brighter side of life.  They gravitate always to the sunlight, and shun any form of negativity they may encounter or perceive.  The problem occurs however, when they do face hardships and encounter horrible events in their protected world.  Then, confusion and fear seizes their very core.  They cannot understand how the darker aspects of life fit in with their world view.  When sickness and other tragedies enter their lives they realize how fragile their sense of security really is.  Many are left feeling rudderless when fate deals an unexpected blow. 

Those are always living in fear of losing it all, have also something to gain from this book – a guide to integrating the many sides of life into a meaningful world view that understands and transcends life at the same time.  Cynicism and pessimism then become tools for human growth, and not the much maligned concepts that society often associates with maladjusted anarchists or doomsayers.  In our vernacular, these terms are often used to tarnish an opponents views as neurotic.  But we must stop infantilizing our discourse in such a manner, and understand, that if cynicism and pessimism had no value at all, they

would not have survived in our brain makeup over these past millionsof years.  Optimism needs Pessimism.  Idealism needs Cynicism.  They are all tools nature has provided to us – so why not use them.