5. A happier deterministic you.

5. A happier, deterministic you.

            Many will argue that a belief in determinism undermines hope and leads to despair.  But this assumption overlooks the fact that our future is still hidden from us - whether good or bad outcomes await us around the corner.  I don’t know anyone that would blindfold themselves and walk across a highway, leaving it up to fate.  I believe whole heartedly in determinism, yet I don’t purposely make rash decisions or ignore making them in the forks of my life.   I struggle with the pros and cons of everyday decision like everyone else.  The reasons are two-fold.  One is that we all worry about the possible outcomes of our decisions, regardless of the source of culpability in making those decisions. Secondly, our minds operate as if we have free will – this is just the way our brains are set up (the reason why forthcoming).

           But a belief  in determinism can be useful in counteracting negative emotions and thought patterns that arise after decisions we badly regret.  Excessive guilt is a very destructive force.  Guilt and regret are important for us to have a moral conscience.  It allows for analyzing our wrong doings and keeps society from total anarchy.  Serial killers are notoriously known for their lack of guilt.   But excessive guilt immobilizes us, keeps us from rationally understanding and learning from our past actions.  There are also some unfortunate souls who spiral into guilt when there is no rational justification – as in the case of abused spouses and children. 

            It is no coincidence that most 12 step programs use the Serenity prayer at every meeting:

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”

One of the things that we can’t change is the past.  This prayer is spoken by many recovering addicts.  It may seem counterintuitive to encourage addicts to acknowledge a powerlessness over their addiction, but it’s the first step in forgiving themselves and moving forward.   The God referred to in the prayer does not necessarily have to mean a religious figure, but rather the universe itself, that we accept is beyond us.  Our mistakes in the past were meant to be; the universe determined for us to make those exact choices, and none other.  Think of the last time you made a terrible mistake.  In that very moment of decision making, you honestly believed it was the best choice – whether it turned out well or not.  No one makes a decision, and then does the exact opposite.  

 In order for us to heal and learn from past errors, we have to forgive ourselves by accepting that we are human and fallible. Then the road is open to understanding why we made the error.  We can figure out how to avoid making the same decisions again.  Excessive guilt only seeks self punishment but no solution.  The pain of that guilt may even manifest outwardly and violently towards others.  Those with excessive guilt may believe that the burden of guilt itself is an absolution of the original deed, and avoid tackling the real issue. 

Low self esteem is another destructive pattern of thinking that has real consequences in people’s lives.  Many studies have shown that low self esteem is a factor in drug and alcohol abuse, depression, social anxiety, teen pregnancy, codependency, abusive relationships, criminal violence, drop out rates, and academic underachievement.  One particular study showed the extent to which self esteem affected even cognitive performance.  Groups of Asian American women were asked to take a math test.  But prior to the test, they were told that the study was measuring how Asians tended to outperform other ethnicities in math.  As a result, there was a significant rise in test scores compared to a control group of Asian women who were told nothing.  Another group was told that the study was testing how men outperformed women in math.  A significant decrease in test scores was observed in this group versus the control group. 

Apparently, self esteem is deeply affected by one’s perceived standing among peer groups.  We all remember what it was like being a teenager, but perhaps as adults we falsely believe that peer pressure is a remnant of our past.  Keeping up with the Joneses is nothing more than teenage peer pressure with bigger and more expensive toys.  Humans are social animals if nothing else, and we may not believe that the comparisons we make with others affect us, but they do.

Another  bi-product of low self esteem is envy.  Envy not only produces a dislike of others, but also blocks our appreciation for another’s achievements.  Internally, it brings a simultaneous belittlement of one’s own achievements – thus lowering self esteem even further.  We all have known children and adults who shy away from trying something new, because they compare themselves too harshly against another’s performance.  Whether the environment is in a school, the workplace, or a social situation – low self esteem may prevent many from leading a diverse and fulfilling life. 

Determinism can help view other people’s successes from a healthier perspective.  We should appreciate and learn from the positive qualities of others without putting ourselves down.  I remember having real trouble with this as a college student.  My roommates happened to be future law students and two in particular, were the best debaters I had the pleasure of meeting.  In the early years of our friendship, not only did I struggle with holding my own against them in discussions, but I felt a shame for not being able to.  But later on, I learned to see the situation deterministically.

I had always been an extremely shy child.  Anxiety was something my mother and I had in common.  This anxiety definitely affected my social interactions at school and with friends.  I realize now that there is a definite genetic factor to this anxiety. Not only did my mother and I share similar physical symptoms but also reacted well to the same group of medication - Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors such as Prozac. 

The symptoms were so bad for my mother that she came close to dying. The GI specialists misdiagnosed her chronic heartburn as merely a digestive disorder.  Her weight dropped to a dangerous 90 lbs before a doctor suggested anti-anxiety medicine.  For, the heartburn was not as severe, but  in college, I had recurrent Irritable Bowel Syndrome related to anxiety.  To this day, whenever I forget to refill my prescription, heartburn and IBS returns with a vengeance. 

My parent’s work schedules and own solitary personalities did not provide for a model of gregariousness for me to emulate.  I don’t fault them at all for this – they were who they were and they had to put food on the table. Enrolling me for 8 years in catholic school with stern nuns didn’t help much either.  Also, throw in the mix a bit of struggling with  my Asian-American identity – and it was no wonder it took me so many years to find my voice. 

At the trial that would end with his state ordered suicide, Socrates proclaimed,” In the end, I only know that I know nothing.” Yes, we can approximate our fellow human’s  experiences through the medium of art and language, but at the end of the day – it’s only an approximation.  Who is to say how others would have turned out, had they switched places anyone else’s.  Since that experiment could never be done, why do we put so much stock in comparing ourselves to other people?

Today, I can walk into any room – be it a room full of master musicians, or scienctists, orators, or the most beautiful actors in the world – but still manage to balance that fine line between admiration and self confidence.  I will neither diminish their achievements nor my own, for their road is as fated as mine.  Whether someone embodies an extraordinary beauty , or likewise, an extraordinary horror – it is not that due to that person’s credit nor blame – it is only manifestations of the universe.   

One of my friends helped me to solidify my deterministic perspective when he shared his life story with me.  He grew up in a poor village in Nigeria.  His formal education was neither exceptional nor privileged, yet he is the smartest person I have ever met.  For as long as he could remember, his brain always thought things through logically.  No one ever taught him about the syllogisms in the field of logic – he was just exceptional at it.  He questioned everything, which brought him many beatings by teachers and elders in his village.   Of course, his deductive skills increased exponentially as he entered college and became exposed to higher levels of knowledge. 

It wasn’t just his exceptional intelligence that fascinated me.  It was the fact that he achieved this amazing level of achievement despite the numerous obstacles that most others have tripped over.  At age fifteen, he came to the United States to live with his father in Brookyln, New York.  He lived there with his two younger brothers in a notorious housing project in the Bushwyck section, noted for its high crime. The school district was one of the worse performing, yet he managed to graduate 2^nd in his class.  His two younger brothers were not as fortunate.  Both got involved with gangs and dealing drugs.  In one instance, his youngest sibling shot him in the leg, as revenge for flushing a stash of drugs down the toilet.  When I did meet his two younger brothers when they visited him in college, they were disarmingly nice, and it never occurred to me that they had murdered people in the past. 

He is currently a lawyer in Minnesota and has attempted to help his younger brothers.  Although both brothers were sentenced to state prison in New York, he convinced them to move out west after their release.  He let them move into the house he bought in a quiet suburb near the Twin Cities.  He hoped that the change in environment and safer surroundings would draw them away from fast money.  It only seemed to help one of the brothers, who managed to get a career fighting forest fires in the midwest. The other turned into a severe alcoholic who had several more run-ins with the law.

My friend’s story reaffirmed my belief that we can only judge a person’s life relative to their own circumstances and conditions they lived through.   Many times we judge ourselves by what society defines as “successful”.  Of course, it is not a bad thing to have role models, but we often forget, that not everyone starts at the same level.  We tend to only look at the finish line and not credit the actual struggle that individuals make to get to that finish. 

In regards to my friend,  by societal standards, he is not very successful.  After college he joined a non-profit legal aid firm to help those with economic disadvantages with legal representation.  Much of his income went to helping his family and village back in Nigeria.  As I write this, he is currently funding a middle school for poor children in his neighborhood.  His savings are down to almost zero.  Just looking at his net worth, society might label him as unsuccessful.  But if we look at his life in totality – can we say that a majority of people could have overcome his situation and obtained a law degree.  Relatively, he may be as rare and extra-ordinary as a fortune 500 CEO.  Likewise, perhaps the bus driver we see every morning has more vigilance and extra-ordinary achievement then 95% of the graduates of Harvard University. 

Determinism can  help us  forgive others.  Hatred is such a draining emotion that causes misery to all parties involved.  Whether the hatred stems from serious injustices or small slights, it can fester in our minds for years.  One can wake and relive the moment over and over, as if it just occured.  Hatred is not only a failure to view the humanity of another person, but a failure to admit to one’s own weaknesses.  Hate is responsible for some of the most heinous acts perpetrated by humans on each other.   From racism, sexism, religious and ideological intolerance, to xenophobia, hatred has had a hand in countless atrocities throughout history.

Determinism  gives us perspective when other people wrong us.  It is important to remember that the universe conspired to have them make that decision at that time.  Now this does not excuse the other person’s actions nor relieve them of accountability.  The most extreme cases are those heart breaking experiences felt by the family of murdered victims.  It is quite extra-ordinary when a few actually come to forgive the murderer years later.  Society should still imprison these violent offenders for the safety of the rest of society, but hatred can destroy the lives of the victim’s family as much as the loss of the loved one.  

A failure to forgive other people is a failure to understand their humanity.  As a consequence, it negates our own humanity and the realization, that we too are fallible.  The harsh judgment of others seems to be a prerequisite for a lot of horrible actions that occur around the world - from ethnic cleansing, to rape, to enslavement, etc.  Particularly destructive is the never-ending cycle of revenge between groups that have had violent pasts.  We can see this in the Israeli – Palestinian conflict and between gangs in LA.  We have seen this tragically played out between Hutus and Tutsi’s in Rwanda, where tens of thousands were killed in a senseless blood bath.   

Finally, let’s talk about a type of mental pain unique to humans – anxiety about the distant future.   Our imagination comes at a great cost.  We can play out future events in our minds to determine if the possible outcomes of certain decisions are desirable or dangerous.  This may inspire hope but also dread.  Let’s take common occurrence that most people have experienced sometime in their lives.  Remember the last time you misplaced something important, like a wallet or a smart phone.  You are hoping that you left it back at home on your desk.  We all felt that feeling of panic beginning to stir, and suddenly the brain imagines all the dreaded consequences of your worst fears.

Anxiety itself is an evolutionary adaption that allows us to prepare plan B’s for rainy days.  It has its uses, but when it spirals out of control – anxiety can prevent us from overcoming the problem at hand.  Perhaps modern life and all its complexities have made anxiety more common – frenzied schedules, information overload, overpopulation, social isolation, etc.  And of course, there are the time tested worries about one’s health, job security, and raising a family. All this could make life one big worry fest.    

Determinism can be a useful cognitive tool when anxiety takes over.  In a deterministic view point, the future is out of our control.  Again, it does not mean we cease making decisions.  There is a certain peace that comes over us in accepting that there are limitations that are beyond us – often unseen and unpredictable.   There are many examples today of people already using this strategy.  Many religions have an aspect of determinism when it comes to the divine plan of gods.  The Christian bible and the Muslim Koran often mention prophecies to describe god’s ultimate plan for the future of mankind.  There is a certain relief on the part of many religious followers, in leaving their fates up to God’s will.  If this wasn’t the case, these religions would probably have fizzled out in popularity. 

            In the midst of our deepest anxiety, it can be comforting to know, that the future is up to greater forces than you and I.  Whether these greater forces are called God, or energy, electrons, dark matter, or whatever else is out there, it can be very comforting to know that we are all just actors in a preset play – and although it may have tragedy as well as joy – we all do the best we can – there is no other choice but to.  I’m reminded of a lyrics to a classic song I first heard played by Sly and the Family Stone called “Que Sera Sera”:

                                    “When I was just a little girl,

                                     I asked my mother, what will I be,

                                     Will I be rich, will I be pretty,

                                     This is what she said to me,

                                     Que, Sera, Sera,

                                     Whatever will be, will be.”

           

            Before I end this chapter, I want to take a moment to discuss medication to alleviate psychological disorders.  I’ve been taking Prozac for the last decade and it has helped my anxiety immensely.  When I tell people this , however, I inevitably run into different categories of criticism. One common criticism puts the stigma of weakness on those suffering from organically caused mood disorders.  I believe this criticism is another manifestation of the free will myth– that everything depends on our own willingness to act.  I will be the first to admit, that the cognitive strategies I lay out in this chapter for anxiety can not help if the cause is a chemical imbalance in the brain.  Just as a diabetic should not be made to feel weak in character for taking insulin, those suffering from mental disorders should not feel a stigma for taking medication.  Too often, those who don’t understand mood disorders make the statement,” Just don’t think about those things. Be positive.”  The reality is that runaway feelings drive thoughts of anger, depression, and anxiety.  If these feelings are a result of neurotransmitter imbalances in the brain, then professional help is required – be it therapy or medication.

            Another criticism centers around the fear of dependence on drugs.  Again, I believe this stems from the myth of free will.  There is this American ideal of the independent and self-reliant hero.  The hero alone accomplishes the impressive feat of pulling themselves from rock bottom to the heights of achievement.  The only problem with this perspective is that it is false.  Aside from the fact that it does take a village to raise a child – there are other obvious facts that debunks this myth.  The modern human rarely knows how to grow their own food, knit their own clothes, nor smelt metals out of rocks.  Most of us that need eyeglasses do not how to cut and measure lenses.  Most people can’t do surgery and most people can not extract oil out of the ground.  The idea that an individual is an island is wishful and narcissistic thinking.