2. Positive Pessimism
A very interesting
event happened to me about two years into writing this book. One day while perusing through a magazine, I
came across an article about a book called Antidote: Happiness for People Who
Hate Positive Thinking, by Oliver Burkeman. I felt two opposing feelings wash over me at
the same time. On the one hand, I felt
as if someone just punched me in the stomach.
The premise of the book suggested by the title seemed to mirror my
unfinished book. On the other hand, I
was excited at the prospect that there were others who saw the benefits of
pessimism – that I was not just shooting arrows in the dark.
I immediately
looked up his book and voraciously started reading. Some of the introductory passages that almost
seemed verbatim to mine. I was
floored. Yet a smile crept upon my
face. Although I have firm beliefs in
the existential and psychological benefits of negative thinking, I have to
admit that it is not always easy to be a minority voice in anything in life,
whether it is political beliefs or being the odd one out amongst your coworkers or friends. There is always a small inkling of self doubt
that one has to confront on a daily basis.
It turns out that
Mr. Burkeman’s book makes the most comprehensive argument for a negative path
towards happiness ever written – encapsulating the ancient stoic philosophers,
modern psychological studies, sociology, modern spiritual leaders, and Buddhist
writings. A part of me felt relieved,
however, that my book rather complemented his in providing other particular
ways to incorporate positive negatism into our lives.
It has also
relieved some pressure to make the argument for the benefits of a negative
approach to happiness in the first place.
The first few chapters were the most difficult for me to
articulate. This is because happiness is
such an illusive concept to define. There are so many paradoxes and
linguistical sandtraps when trying to describe happiness, as if it were some
destination, or final state of being.
Like most things in the universe, our own concepts of happiness are
always in flux, depending on our particular temperaments and lots in life. For that, I like to gratefully thank Oliver
Burkeman in articulating the argument is such a well written and thought out
manner.
No sooner had I
read his book, than I decided to email Oliver Burkeman and describe to him my
surprise at coming across his book and to thank him for writing it. He was more than gracious to reply and even
gave some words of encouragement after reading several of my chapters. So to
Mr. Burkeman, I again thank you. And to
everyone reading my book now, I suggest you actually first read Antidote:
Happiness for People Who Hate Positive Thinking. If I were talented enough to have written his
book, then this current one, Cynical Pessimist’s Guide to Happines, would
certainly have been the follow up.
Getting back to
the unhappy history of mankind, we have to ask ourselves how pessimism and
optimism each helped our ancestors survive millions of years of scarcity. If
there is one thing Darwin
There are many instances in our
lives when it is clearly better to be pessimistic and cynical. Many scam artists rely on the fact that some
people are very trusting and naïve.
There wouldn’t be telephone and internet scammers if there weren’t
susceptible victims among us. When an
offer sounds too good to be true, cynical pessimism is our defense against it. If England ’s
Prime Minister Chamberlain was less optimistic about Hitler’s intentions,
perhaps the world would not have appeased Germany
On
the other hand, where would society be today without optimism as well? It was the optimist in Martin Luther King Jr.
that spoke the famous words to the throngs at the Lincoln Memorial – in an era
of church bombings, lynchings, and apartheid.
It was the optimists who believed that machines could fly, diseases
could be cured, and kings could be resisted.
If it wasn’t for optimism, we would never dream of what could be
possible and nothing would change. This
is not only true of society as a whole, but in our individual lives. We would never delay gratification, if we did
not believe that a better future awaits us for our efforts. It enables us to invest in an education,
children, and a career.
If we imagine the
totality of humans on earth currently as one organism – and each of us cells in
that larger network. We can then ask
whether humanity as a whole is healthy or sick. Systemic illness in the body
often arises from individual cells gone awry.
Diabetes is a problem of the body’s cells failing to process sugar
molecules or pancreas cells not secreting hormones. Cancer starts off with one cell miscopying
itself. With the symptoms of famine,
war, and excess – we see that we are much out of balance. Likewise, humanity’s role in the disruption
of nature’s global cycles is a product of something amiss in us as
individuals.
The
recurring strategy for wellness, in both organisms and ecosystems, is the
concept of equilibrium. Take water, that
most essential of life’s requirements.
We know that dehydration can kill us in less than a week. On the flip side, runners during a marathon
have literally drunk themselves to death.
Our body temperature, if altered a few degrees higher or lower than
98.6F, results in sickness or death.
Diabetics may fall into comas, if their blood sugar goes to either
extreme.
For
a variety of reasons, society today has demonized pessimism and cynicism to the
extent that the words are synonymous with dysfunction. So when such an important part of the human
psyche is stigmatized, then society loses an immense tool of thought that can
help make sense of the world. I’m
tempted to think of the happily ignorant, but doomed humans in George Orwell’s
novel, the Time Machine. We are slowly
sinking into the rabbit hole with a smile on our faces.
What we mostly see on television are sitcoms
that wrap up all of life’s problems with little bows in an hour or less. Political campaigns simplify most complex
issues into a dualism of good versus bad – with all the distractions of cute
babies and balloons.
Instinctually, parents try to
shield their children as much as they can from the darker realities of
life. Childhood at home is mostly spent
watching cartoons and school is not much better. Watered down history books
have reduced complex historical events into moral sitcoms, again pitting
all-good characters vs. all-evil characters.
Children grow up unable to understand complex events where the lines
between right are wrong are blurred.
The one constant
message that society hammers home is that money and materialistic gain leads to
happiness. From MTV’s cribs, to the
“Apprentice”, to movies about billionaire website wunderkinds – the religion of
money acquisition has dominated the conversation of the path toward
happiness. Everyone has dreamt of
winning the lottery. However, a study
concluded that money only increased ones happiness level to a certain
point. Beyond $ 75 K a year, happiness did not seem to increase with
income. Initially, as money lifts people
out of poverty, there is an initial reaction of joy and pleasure . Beyond that, it seems that too much of a
good thing, may be just that. Our brains
seem adept at becoming bored and dissatisfied with whatever level and type of
stimulation we are talking about – even if it is millions of dollars.
Primo
Levi, a holocaust survivor and the author of the book, Survival in Aushwitz,
wrote about the depression many of the survivors felt during the years
following their horrors in concentration camps.
After they had been rescued from that nightmare, they knew their
experience would haunt them for the rest of their lives. They were sure, however, that they would not
take life for granted again. But as the
years went by, many were disheartened that little frustrations – like bills and
traffic – affected them just the same as it did before. For some, the inability
to integrate the vast memories of dark events in their past, must have islolated
them in a world that just wanted smiles and handshakes. Primo Levi himself
committed suicide.
What is the solution? There is something to be said about the
eastern concept of Yin and Yang. If the
diagnosis is an overabundance of one extreme, the remedy is often exposing
one-self to the opposite condition. If
one is thirsty, then drink. If one is
cold, get to a heat source. So in order
to have sustainable happiness that is not dysfunctional – we need to be aware
of and incorporate what society has deemed
the “negative” aspects of life.
Since
optimism continues to have more than its share of publicity, the following is a
compilation of every cynical and pessimistic thought I have come across in my
few decades of life. Some were found in books
while others were hatched from late night debates with fellow like-minded
travelers. Some are hard earned personal conclusions, painfully extracted
through years of stumbling in the dark.
Believe it or not, some even came from watching television – who
knew. But regardless of its source, I
hope cynical pessimism will help a few others, the way it’s helped me. It allows me to withstand life’s ever
changing winds while keeping my sense of awe of the universe. Most importantly, it’s allowed me to view
humanity with empathy while still being critical of its many faults. This book
does not ultimately presume to answer the question of what happiness is – but
rather – on how to navigate the path to seeking our own answers, without being consumed in the process.
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